candy cane
'Twas The Month After Christmas (Dieting)

   
 Twas the month after Christmas,  
 and all through the house,  
 Nothing would fit me,  
 not even a blouse.  
   
 The cookies I'd nibbled,  
 the eggnog I'd taste,  
 At the holiday parties,  
 had gone to my waist.  
   
 When I got on the scales,  
 there arose such a number!  
 When I walked to the store,  
 (less a walk than a lumber).  
   
 I'd remember the marvelous,  
 meals I'd prepared;  
 The gravies and sauces,  
 and beef nicely rared,  
   
 The wine and the rum balls,  
 the bread and the cheese,  
 And the way I'd never said,  
 "No, thank you, please."  
   
 As I dressed myself,  
 in my husband's old shirt,  
 And prepared once again,  
 to do battle with dirt,  
   
 I said to myself,  
 as I only can  
 "You can spend a winter  
 disguised as a man!"  
   
 So-away with the last,  
 of the sour cream dip,  
 Get rid of the fruit cake,  
 every cracker and chip.  
   
 Every last bit of food,  
 that I like must be banished  
 Till all the additional,  
 ounces have vanished.  
   
 I won't have a cookie,  
 not even a lick.  
 I'll want only to chew,  
 on a long celery stick.  
   
 I won't have hot biscuits,,  
 or corn bread, or pie,  
 I'll munch on a carrot,  
 and quietly cry.  
   
 I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,  
 and life is a bore-  
 But isn't that what,  
 January is for?  
   
 Unable to giggle,  
 no longer a riot.  
 Happy New Year to all,  
 and to all a good diet!