- I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
- I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
- Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
- Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
- You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
- I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
- Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
- I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.