Off To Work...

Choose a joke from the menu on the right or read on for a couple of our favorites.

A Lawyer's Age

Joe, a lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."

"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"

"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.

"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."

Overlooking The Resumes

Following are a few gems taken from actual resumes:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require pre-scription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."