How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner. Weigh yourself again in the morning, before breakfast, without clothes. It's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off... to your advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
7. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
8. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale. You don't want to weigh all the extra air do you?
9. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.