ANSWERING MACHINE

1. Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

2. "Suicide Hotline...please hold."

3. Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

4. Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

5. (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message.

6. Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

7. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

8. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

9. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

10. Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.